Coming Back to Yourself After an Abusive Relationship with Tamar Gail
In this episode …
Tamar Gail makes a redemptive return to talk with Aaron about healing from an abusive relationship while sharing a funny dating story, the best compliment she's ever received, and how important being your authentic Self is in dating and relationships.
Production by Aaron Tosti
Theme Music by Steve Wilmot
All other Music by Soundstripe
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SHOW NOTES
Intro
0 sec
Welcome to TKOL Podcast.. I'm Aaron Tosti.
A while back a good friend of mine said I should write a book called "The kind of love I'm getting I don't want, and the kind of love I want I ain't getting." an autobiography of weird love stories... so I made it into a podcast.
Not only to share my stories, but other peoples stories... maybe even yours.
Love gets weird some times right ? ...tell me about it
40 sec
Beginning Narration
Welcome back...
If you've just tuned in to TKOL Podcast. There's been a little shift.
Over the past 10 years I've been doing self development work, and started this podcast as a way to share what I I've learned as a Coach..
...but it just got so serious there for a minute. And I realized that sharing peoples stories is what's most impactful.. and when we can look back and laugh at the past, it shows we've evolved forward.
My guest this episode is Tamar.
She is returning as a redemption to a past episode. She talked about connecting to your sensuality, but at the time was recovering from an abusive relationship
So she's back to share that story and how as a women of the healing arts, she has found it vital and an expression of self-love to return to the inner work after a toxic relationship.
Tamar is a teacher, coach, spiritual guide, shaman with 24 years experience in women’s health, holistic healing, wellness, feminine shamanic traditions and natural birth.
If you’d like to connect with her you can visit tamargail.com or find her on instagram @tamargail
She shares some funny dating stories, the best compliment she's ever received, and we talk about how much being your authentic Self is so important in dating and relationships..
… and some of the healing work she’s recently been up to.
2:15 min
Intro to Tamar
Tamar does all of the healing things…
..and she is a certified Doula
She has not practiced since she was in France.
Tamar loves putting the power back in women’s hands.
4:10 min
Tamar’s been in the healing arts since 1999
4:30 min
Aaron Talks about how everything you want is on the other side of the “inner work”
Tamar says, “and thats a good intro for me to Make Up for Last time”
Last episode they had such a good conversation before the episode and didn’t know what to talk about when it came time to record.
Tamar had taken a 2 year sabbatical from her work.
Last podcast, Tamar had gone through an abusive relationship and had ignored her inner knowing.
She could not understand how someone doing similar work as her could be so abusive.
6:50 min
After Tamar had a divorce she walked into a toxic relationship, but her heart wasn’t open.
She was in lock down, he broke her leg, and put a knife to her throat.
She thought it wouldn’t effect her, but when she returned to the U.S. she realized that it did.
She got back into the healing work for herself. She sat at her parents in the forrest and did all of her work.
8:50 min
The part that was missing was that Tamar knew she had to get back into a relationship to heal.
It was scary at first, and the first person she met was a “test” and he was very similar as her ex.
She started to trust herself this time and the next few men Tamar dated were incredible.
…little by little it helped.
10:40 min
Aaron said, “It’s changing the purpose around your relationship.”
Tamar said, “It’s made me stronger”
“It brought it back to you” - Aaron
11:20 min
It’s like instead of going into relationships to see what you can get out of it, go into them with the purpose to heal.
What does a secure relationship look like ? And not be so tied up in an anxious outcome.
It teaches you to be secure within yourself.
Each can bring a balance to the other in a healthy way.
13 min
The most loving thing Tamar had to do for herself was coming back to herself and doing the healing work.
God and the universe said “Nope, you’re coming back to do the work.”
This was a good mirror for Aaron, he’s been integrating mind, body soul
14:20 min
Love yourself through the things that come up in the present moment.
Honor where you are and go a little deeper each time.
15 min
Aaron asks about the funniest way Tamar’s ever been asked out.
Tamar said the guy who was a “Test” chased her down the isle and he said “does that mean you don’t date”
She prayed “God you’re going to have to send some guy to my front door, cause I’m not going out.”
17 min
One pet peeve that Tamar hates is when guys go “pst” to get her attention. She would ignore them and they would keep doing it. So she would turn around and tell them to open a door.
Who wants to be called out with an animal noise?
18:25 min
When new followers who advertise to him, Aaron says “hard pass.”
Aaron got AI dating advise … on post was about “pan-dating” and another was a laptop and on the screen is says “before you date someone have them use a computer with slow internet.”
19:30 min
They say to wait a few dates in to catch red flags when you’re in early dating.
Tamar is herself and does that for a reason when she dates.
Aaron asks, “Please be your authentic self.”
Being an empathetic person you can tell when someone isn’t being authentic.
Aaron Jokes… “Show me your most inauthentic self first.”
21 min
Tamar talks about how authenticity is so important.
When we can be our authentic self first, it attracts who likes us as our authentic self.
Tamar likes when she meets guys in her bathing suit with no make up.
Go be you.
Tamars favorite compliment is “you’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met”
It means someone likes you for who you truly are, and that you’re different than everybody else.
23 min
Tamar shares a story about a great date where she opened up about this vision she had.
And her date was really in it with her, and told her she was the weirdest girl he had ever met.
It means a man sees a women like no one else.
“We’re falling in mutual weirdness together.” - Dr. Suess
25:50 min
Tamar talks about a workshop and zoom call she did after getting back to the healing work.
Welcome to the redemption part of this episode.
Tamar talks about the 3 activation points to step into your embodied feminine.
She encouraged them to breath into the pelvis and just by doing that, it’s so important for activating feminine energy
You are activating your life force energy.
28:15 min
Being totally aware and that present is not something we're used to, so it’s retraining the body.
It’s fascinating how the breathe is so simple, but so important for healing trauma.
Tamars journey brought her to her traumatic birth
She would hold her breathe while running track.
Aaron also went into the incubator when he was born due to shortness of breathe and possible brain damage.
31:20 min
Aaron’s been focusing on his breathe, and stirred up a lot of emotions.
Kick boxing helped Tamar move through trauma.
Like yoga, you are being present and noticing whatever comes up.
Tamar says we don’t realize how the first few minutes of birth can have an effect on how we create in life
Aaron mentions how it also effects your attachment and proximity to mom or a nurturing caregiver.
34 min
Tamar is back in Miami, grounded and doing breathe workshops.
Breathing is so powerful for healing trauma.
Her client was working through all sexual energy.
The kundalini energy joins in the heart, and can bring up something on a collective level and heal trauma in a somatic way.
It releases DMT in the brain.
36:45 min
Dreams were coming up for her client around having intercourse with someone, but that was her working through the shadows.
That person represented another aspect of her.
You’re healing and accepting parts of yourself.
It has to be integrated instead of ignored.
That shadow part was created to protect
38:14 min
Aaron gets “tweaked” when talking about “self love”
Cause you’re talking about loving those parts of yourself.
Tamar says “it’s not all like this, but one client went home and astral traveled.”
It brings new meaning to the phrase “getting high on your own supply.”
39:50 min
Tamar’s been studying a new course and getting clear.
Tamar is in her flow !
Tamar said, “It’s been good to catch up, Aaron. It’s been too long.”
40:30 min Closing
Hey, Thank you so much for listening!
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Or you can follow me personally @aarontosti
Thanks again,
I’m Aaron.
Best of Love to You
FIND THE FREEDOM TO BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC, UNAPOLOGETIC SELF AND ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESERVE.
— Aaron Tosti, Self Healing Coach