How to Take Your Trauma Seriously, But Not Personally with Angie Pollachi
In this episode …
Aaron talks with Angie Pollachi about her perspective on healing trauma, but not taking trauma too personally, and shares some funny moments from her own personal life.
Production by Aaron Tosti
Theme Music by Steve Wilmot
All other Music by Soundstripe
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SHOW NOTES
Intro
0 sec
Welcome to TKOL Podcast.. I'm Aaron Tosti.
A while back a good friend of mine said I should write a book called "The kind of love I'm getting I don't want, and the kind of love I want I ain't getting." an autobiography of weird love stories... so I made it into a podcast.
Not only to share my stories, but other peoples stories... maybe even yours.
Love gets weird some times right ? ...tell me about it
45 sec
A lot of people take their trauma personally...
And it should be taken seriously, but sometimes
...Maybe people think that they’re crazy or that they’re the only one
or that they need to hold onto and cling to it.
But trauma is just a thing that happens and your body hold onto it to protect you from happening again.
Until we unburden that past experience from our nervous system we'll continue to stay stuck
My conversation with Angie Pollachi, who has a great sense of humor and who learned in the same camp about trauma and the nervous system.
How the nervous system has different survival responses like hide, fight, freeze, fawn and even passing out when you get to overwhelmed.
She has a unique look at unpacking trauma, healing, feeling liberated from trauma and it starts with knowing that we’re all human and to not take it so personally.
Angie is a Somatic and Emotional Healing Coach.
Plus she shares some funny moments in her dating life and going into relationships with a "growth edge" approach.
Enjoy.
2 min
Angie’s gets asked out in a weird way..
She got asked out by a German women who switched from German to English, “ I find you sexually attractive”
Angie didn’t know what to do but said “thank you but no.”
4:10 min
Aaron has learning to accept more compliments.
In the past Aaron has past Aaron couldn’t receive them, but now he takes a 2 sec pause to acknowledge it.
Aaron grew up around a lot of sarcasm.
But it’s like buying someone coffee, at first you might want to push back but instead say, “cool I’ll receive it”
Don’t attaching a big story to it.
6:40 min
Aaron made a smooth move on his own birthday breakfast and paid for it.
7:30 min
Aaron makes Angie’s official introduction. Angie Irish, Scottish, and italian with a side of Catholic guilt.
Angie is interest in anything within the human experience.
She was in Marketing for a while, then found other things and did Yoga teacher training for 3-4 years.
9:30 min
Angie thought there’s more to it than this and started looking into the emotional side and what’s underneath ?
Embody emotional experiences.
Feel your emotional experience but also do the thing.
She wanted to learn more about patterns and behaviors.
11:50 min
Feeling liberated and not being defined by your Trauma
Trauma conjures up quick dramatic things. Like “fireworks of explosive experience.”
But there is also “candle moments”
But then what is it like to walk around a massive room full of candles.
We’re looking for the explosive but it’s the little ones that surround you
14:45 min
Learning about the little moments that build up, then you get stuck.
Trauma work helped her understand “I’m actually not that crazy”
You’re just a normal human.
It’s the continual pattern that makes us hold onto stuff.
Aaron loves one-liners
17 min
It becomes a lifestyle shift in your approach.
Trauma hopefully won’t be such a hard pill to swallow in the future.
Making it less stigmatizing.
“We’re searching for things that make sense of our experiences” - Angie
I’m the problem its me.. thanks T.Swift.
20:50 min
We’d all be better if we went into relationships seeing it as a growth edge.
Intermittent everything.
What do you really want that’s in a romantic relationship.
What would I have to do outside of my comfort zone.
Saying “I’m so empathetic” might be
Going into all relationships as a growth edge
Everything should be “intermittent”
23:10 min
Aaron asks Angie about growth edge dating early on.
Putting awareness into action
24:10 min
A moment with a friend impacted Angie about always picking the wrong person.
She noticed she triggered her friend, where she touched on something sensitive but with an iron fist.
25:30 min
There was a part of Angie that wanted to apologize for hurting someone, but the next level up was asking “how did that feel for you?”
It person Angie into the place to hear.
Sometimes the need to apologize can be for trying to make yourself feel better.
Take in to account the other person’s experience.
41:40 min
A lot of people assume that if you don’t say something then there must not be a problem.
A healing moment of both people needing awareness.
Taking more responsibility in it myself.
We all need awareness.
30 min
Aaron still responds to the Computer voice.
Angie apologizes to escalators and revolving doors.
Soon escalators will start responding get triggered.
Angie gets bitchy with GPS’s
32:10 min
Aaron gets mad at walk signs that say “wait.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
Aaron might start coaching the walk sign.
33:20 min
Angie’s chicken joke about the patriarchy gets really intense.
34:10 min
How much of our culture is wrapping ourselves in bubble paper so that someone else doesn’t get hurt.
Polarizing on both extreme’s so that we get somewhere in the middle, so that we’re not stuck in divisive spaces.
35:30 min
A lot of it is coming from your nervous system states.
Getting past the “stuckness” in the nervous system.
36:46 min
Fawning is more like gas and brakes on at the same time.
The other way to say it is turtle, tiger, possum pass out
Aaron said he was trying to be stoic but really he was fawning.
37:30 min
Angie “ I thought that was an endearing quality, turns out to be a trauma respond.”
You don’t want to unpack yourself so much you’re just an empty travel bag.
If the clothes are memories it’s like looking at all of your stained clothing.
The “inner work” get’s complicated
39 min
Angie’s Jeans analogy around working through trauma.
How much effort are you putting into it?
Aaron says, “this is dark but what about the abusive narcissistic jeans that still feel comfortable”
41:30 min
Aaron loves Angie’s analogy around trauma and healing.
It’s like Dating, going into a clothes store and trying on different jeans.
How is AI effecting the dating world?
43 min
Angie says the AI is helping with communication in Dating.
Aaron says it’s like the same dating problems but amplified.
Angie asked, “Is AI just disempowering everyone ?”
Christmas cards are going to get real involved.
45:50 min
We didn’t get into anxiety vs intuition.
Where to get in touch with Angie..
Free regulating things and other things
Aaron gets Angie’s last name spelling
Instagram.com/Angie_P_coaching
Aaron jacked up Angie’s last name trying to make it more Italian.
44 min Closing
Hey, Thank you so much for listening!
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Thanks again,
I’m Aaron.
Best of Love to You
FIND THE FREEDOM TO BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC, UNAPOLOGETIC SELF AND ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESERVE.
— Aaron Tosti, Self Healing Coach