Discovering Tantra After a Toxic Long Distance Relationship with Dominique D’Vita
In this episode …
Aaron talks with guest Dominique D’Vita about her past long distance that woke her up to using and coaching through the healing practice of Tantra.
learn.yestantra.com/free-mens-ebook
Production by Aaron Tosti
Theme Music by Steve Wilmot
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SHOW NOTES
Intro
0 sec
Welcome to TKOL Podcast.. I'm Aaron Tosti.
A while back a good friend of mine said I should write a book called "The kind of love I'm getting I don't want, and the kind of love I want I ain't getting." an autobiography of weird love stories... so I made it into a podcast.
Not only to share my stories, but other peoples stories... maybe even yours.
Love gets weird some times right ? ...tell me about it
44 sec
Dont you love a good taboo topic?
Hindsight is always 2020, right?
Looking back at once pained us, can shift a funny perspective. And the funny and unfortunate relationship situation can be a powerful catalyst to find unique ways to change though we do things.
For my new friend Dominque she went from a toxic long distance relationship to discovering how the practice of tantra can change and heal you.
Often our wounds stem from childhood, and for Dom where she had to take care of an alcoholic parent, literally dodging a bullets when her mom came in with a gun, and having to be a parent to her parent. After overcoming people pleasing and being a sex worker in the past, she now teaches men and couples how to have a healthy sense of sex in their relationship.
She shares her story with me, and how tantra has helped her and others, one of the benefits helping you trust yourself and find discernment, and not just impulsively hooking up with people.. all that and more…
Enjoy.
3:20 min
Aaron watched Dominique’s “how to last longer in bed” video.
Dominique says, “Your brain is your biggest sexual organ because of neural pathways, and it’s great to start the work on your own without a partner”
4:30 min
Aaron asks Dominique about her long distance relationship
Dominique says, yea the guy was a real “winner” the
They were in an AOL chat room from 1997. When you wen into an AOL chat room you use to type A/S/L - age sex location.
You would have deep conversation, not thinking you were ever going to see this person.
7:20 min
Dominique’s strategy at the time was “the best way to get over a man, is to get under another.”
It was a great exchange and first. And Dominque ended up dating this guy.
9 min
Friends all though she was dating good man, and the relationship went on for 3 years
They had a lot of fun and they talked about getting married.
She had met his mom and his son. They got along really well, but that’s easy when you don’t see each other every day.
He had some problems with work, and asked her to reach out only at his house.
11:45 min
The story gets spicy. It turns out he was already married…
She went on a trip to go see him, and she had a suspicion. Then found a card from another women with a sentimental note.
She went to go see his mom. Dominique got home and called the number on the card.
His mom was playing along and payed dumb.
Dominque didn’t want anything to do with him any more.
15:20 min
He friend called and asked if she was ok but in that moment she realized she had dodged a bullet and only lost out on an illusion.
Years later he reached out trying to rekindle things, but she didn’t want to speak with him ever again.
She stop playing the same game she used to.
17 min
She decided she was never begin a long distance relationship again.
You don’t know what that person’s truth is. When you miss someone of course you’re going to have a passion to see them, but also not have a clear perspective.
A year earlier she had to get a restringing order from her past partner, so the long distance seem to be suiting.
There’s no consequence but you can fool yourself.
21 min
Aaron asks Dominique about “doing the work” then shares a quick dating story where the woman said she looks up guys’ background checks.
Tantra helped Dominique have a better relationship with herself and getting yourself out of that trap.
Looking back on her childhood, Dominique’s mom was an alcoholic and had suicidal depression.
When you don’t grow up without boundaries, you don’t think you need them.
23:20 min
When parents not being present to your needs, it’s easy to ignore the red flags.
The only way to belong is to neglect your needs and pay attention to your parents needs.
“They don’t need me, I don’t feel secure.”
Dominique has been focusing on taking
27:20 min
Being good in and out of bed came from being a good people pleaser.
Dodging bullets metaphorically, but when she grew up, she also had to dodge real bullets from her mom.
Orgasms are the fountain of youth.
28:40 min
Dominque was doing mad libs while her drunk mom came in with a gun.
If you don’t take care of your own sexual needs you’re more likely to lower your standard by not pleasuring yourself, more likely to hook up with someone that’s not good for you
It’s like going to the grocery store and getting junk food when you’re starving.
31 min
Dominique’s friend was married 5 times because she didn’t allow her self to have sex until she’s married.
There was a lot of purity culture in Texas.
32:25 min
Aaron asks Dominique how tantra has helped her…
The common misconception is you need a parter.
Aaron and Dominique are both fans of Sting, Tantra, and the police
Dominique had 5 hours of bliss and extended orgasm she calls a “soul-gasm”. It was a Kundalini awakening
She talks more about chakras and Energy Centers
36 min
Dominique couldn’t keep her head in the sand anymore. She said it was like Marvin Gay’s sexual healing
She had clients certain sex position saved their marriage.
Most people hit the glass sealing on their pleasure and don’t think you can go further.
When she opened up her chakras she had better relationships with all other people.
Breathe, Sound, and Movement are the foundations for healing Trauma,
Tantra was the gateway drug for Dominique.
39:20 min
Movement is like the song “Dance yourself clean” by LCD Sound System. Dance like no one’s watching.
You hit a higher frequency.
40:50 min
Here are some more benefits of Tantra…
You start attracting better relationships.
You can speak up more
You realize you’re not a victim
Dominique’s mom used to only care about “good looking men”.
Her Toxic Confession is a quote from Marylin Monroe “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
She use to get way more angry than need be, but not a way to be accountable to yourself
45:30 min
Dominique mentioned there’s not enough safe space for men.
It’s time to break the cycles and patterns
A lot of ancient tantra is now nervous system regulating techniques
She’s got a lot of pushback about her work but Dominique doesn’t perform anything sexually. Most clients don’t meet in person.
48 min
Aaron asks whats the divergence between having your own self study vs hiring a tantra coach?
Dominique says its hard to integrate self-study, we don’t know it on a body cellular level
Coaching yourself is hard because you don’t see your own blindspots/
Orgasmic manifestation is about tuning into your power.
50:20 min
Why do we have shame on the thing that created us?
Other ways tantra benefits you…
Amplifying law of attraction
Manifest define partnership
She says we’re always manifesting whether we are aware or not.
If you’re not able to receive, do you have a big enough energetic body?
If you don’t feel worthy, you may push it away.
53:20 min
Clearing anger, shame, and emotions…
Dominique helped a couple in their 60s have the best sex in their life.
Emotions are just energy in motion
Dominique’s techies for emotional release…
Primal yell
rage writing
Emotional writing release
Shaking off after anger. Tantra calls it the Shiba Shake
Saying to yourself, “Hey emotion, I see you”
Diss-ease in the body means there’s disease in the body
60 min
Looking back..
BS means blindspot and bullshit
Patterns repeat until we learn.
When we hit rock bottom is when we become willing to make a change
You can connect with Dominique here..
It’s been hard to have a sex positive platform, but it’s actually healing people from shame.
53 min Closing
Hey, Thank you so much for listening!
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Thanks again,
I’m Aaron.
Best of Love to You
FIND THE FREEDOM TO BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC, UNAPOLOGETIC SELF AND ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESERVE.
— Aaron Tosti, Self Healing Coach